When it comes to relationships, the fact of loving someone is not enough for the relationship to work. The reciprocal physical attraction is not also enough. Actually, there are thousands of other little elements, habits, and mindsets that will make a relationship work or fall apart. And at the end of the day, all these key behaviors and small choices that will make a relationship work can be resumed in one word: maturity. Indeed, if you have a childish behavior, you can be sure that your relationship will be completely unstable, unhealthy, and that you will end up wasting your time and not building anything with your partner. But what does maturity means? It is a person’s ability to appropriately respond to others and to the outside world. It is a skill that we need to develop and not something, that will come instinctively. Maturity also means being aware of the correct time and place to behave and when to act appropriately. Consequently, maturity is not especially determined by one’s age.
As soon as you make a commitment to someone, the best way to behave is to be mature. Especially if you are with someone older because your partner will be used to mature relationships and will not appreciate a childish behavior. The first element of maturity is to address the need for the relationship first. There is no room for selfishness when it comes to relationships, and you have to think and decide not only for yourself but also for the other person. So when you make a decision, you should talk to your partner to be sure that your decision will be focused on what both of you need and how the consequences of this decision will affect your future. Secondly, you should be able to trust, respect, and to be sincere. You must trust your partner, not let jealousy or insecurities lead your behaviors or your actions and damage the relationship and also trust your partner in his abilities to succeed, achieve his goals and help you with your problems. You should also respect your partner as a human being. Trust is a form of respect, but it is not enough. You should be careful never showing disrespect to your partner, so don’t insult him, don’t play games with him, don’t say bad things about him behind his back, don’t humiliate him in front of his friends. And of course, you should always be sincere. Always tell the truth, don’t give your partner false hopes, show him that you appreciate his sincerity, and learn how to express genuine love towards each other.
One of the most important things regarding maturity is simply to accept that people are not perfect and accept that they will never be exactly the way you want them to be. Indeed, everyone has imperfections, flaws, and areas on which they could improve themselves. But if you always expect your partner to act the way you want them to act and to be the person you would want them to be, you will automatically always end up frustrated. And not only will you bring yourself frustration, but you will also annoy and hurt your partner. Because if he feels like he can never match your expectations, he will feel that he is “not good enough” that you don’t love him for who he is or that you are simply asking and expecting too much from him. Consequently, it is very important to accept that people are the way they are. They have many imperfections, but you just have to learn to love these imperfections until they become perfect imperfections! Of course, that does not mean that you should not be able to help your partner improve himself by supporting him if he wants to change a bad habit or try to fight his biggest flaws. But don’t try to make him the way you want him to be like if you were a sculptor! Another element that is important in order to be mature is the ability to forgive. Indeed, when you are in love with someone, this person now has the power to heart you more easily than someone else, but you should not spend your time reminding the other person all the bad things that he did to you because it becomes very frustrating and irritating to hear someone always giving you reproaches. And even for your own wellbeing, it is better to be able to forgive and forget. If you spend all your time making yourself miserable thinking of the bad moments you had to endure or the bad things that he said or did to you, then the relationship will not be healthy anymore.
Another thing that is important we order to have a mature relationship is to focus on what you can give to the other person rather than focusing on what you can get. Indeed, if you are always focused on what you can get from the other, then not only you being selfish and not thinking about the other person’s needs, but also you are entering a vicious circle where everything your partner gives you is never enough. So try to focus more on what you can give. Can I give more of my time to my partner? Can I give him more tenderness? Show more affection? Give him more support? Can I help him improving in certain areas? Can I help him with my knowledge or skills to achieve certain goals? This way, you will discover that giving is also a pleasure and that sharing and giving can give you even more than receiving.
So if you want to build a great, healthy, and solid relationship with someone mature, don’t expect it to be easy! You will have to work on all the different aspects of maturity in order to be ready to make the relationship work and to have the right mindset and skills to make it last! But if you manage it, it will be worth it!